this is not good advice. i don't want to do anything, especially dream, like don quixote. he was crazy, and whether or not he believed his own craziness does not determine his true knight-ness.
i hate this book. i hate that i hate this book. even now, as i am iced into my home with nothing better to do, i cannot force myself to read (just to stay caught up with my students) don quixote. i understand that it's interesting theoretically. it's meaty. it's a new concept. novel, even. it challenges the standards of renaissance literature and questions the authority of medieval lore. it's clever and uses author/narrator confusion that i LOVE in lolita. in fact, it uses many tricks from lolita that seem genius and exciting in the hands of nabokov.
but it is repetitive and episodic and puts me to sleep. i would rather read flaubert, i fear.
how on earth do i expect 18 college freshmen to read when i can't?
i've been thinking much about first dates lately, and not just because i haven't had one in roughly 4 years. in part i'm surrounded by all of these little college children who are in "love" and all over each other, even in class, and make me hearken back to the days of high school and college crushes and flirting. there's another half of the motivation that we'll not get into in front of god and everybody.
anyway, first dates. horrible. a little fun. mainly torture. i want to hear your worst stories from the trenches. and if i do, i'll give you mine.
we'll call this an interactive blogging exercise.
but i'm glad it did.
all it said was "button meisosis."
today my class was miserable. no one wanted out more than i did.
why is it that when i spend hours pouring over articles, notes, and rereading the chapters that i inevitably fall completely flat? (ask meg, i was all over the rug last night, furiously highlighting and outlining) of course, it's likely because at that point i'm prepared to lead discussion for a group of literature graduate students and not college freshmen. bring up the impact of genre on the reading of a work and the use of versimilitude and all of the sudden i have 18 blank little faces. this, of course, addles me and sends me completely off of my notes and on a tangent, never to recover.
which is why we left 15 minutes early. better luck tuesday.
100 things about me:
you may not know, you may not care.
1. i am afraid of heights.
2. the first cds i ever bought were eric clapton timepieces and simon and garfunkel's greatest hits.
3. i was homecoming queen and valedictorian in high school.
4. i baked my first cake, from scratch, at the age of 5.
5. i have been in 3 major car wrecks, 2 involved the same person.
6. i am allergic to peaches, cherries, hazelnuts, and walnuts.
7. i can twirl a pencil around my thumb.
8. i took ballet for 10 years.
9. i play the flute.
10. and sing mezzo soprano.
11. i went on my first date at the age of 14.
12. with a boy who was 17.
13. i prefer henckels to wustofs.
14. i hate parking to the right.
15. i secretly love andrew lloyd webber musicals, especially phantom.
16. the first book i learned to "read" was the grown up day.
17. my first name is actually laura.
18. i am named after my great-grandmother and my father.
19. i wanted to be a kroger cashier when i was in 6th grade.
20. i wish i had cherry-red hair and/or a tattoo and/or a nose ring.
21. my hands are too small to play the piano well.
22. my feet are just too small.
23. i have lived in atlanta off and on for 10 years.
24. i started learning french at the age of 10.
25. i am actually better at math than at any other subject, but i don't like it.
26. i am an enfp.
27. i hate being late but always am.
28. my sister is almost exactly 5 years younger than me; she was due on my birthday.
29. dr. pepper is my favorite soft drink.
30. i hate root beer. they are not the same.
31. i went to graduate school because it was free, and i didn't know what else to do.
32. my first sentence was "who was that?"
33. i was essentially bald until i was 3.
34. when playing cranium, i am best at spelling backwards.
35. i like playing hearts, don't know how to play poker.
36. in 5th grade we used to play blackjack before school started, using paper slips as betting money.
37. my 6th grade homeroom teacher was allergic to cinnamon, and i still let my mother make cinnamon rolls for all my teachers that year for christmas.
38. i can't stand english or french romanticism (literature).
39. paul auster is likely my favorite author.
40. i like comic books. a lot.
41. i always wanted a light bright and never got one.
42. i hate fiestaware and pt cruisers. they make me angry.
43. i am obsessed with babies and have been forever.
44. i get migraines.
45. i love to teach but hate public speaking. weird, right?
46. the uniball vision is my favorite pen.
47. british accents make me schoolgirl giggly. (sorry to my poor british student).
48. i collected teddy bears as a kid.
49. in 2nd grade i had a serious goal of learning all the words to billy joel's "pianoman." and i accomplished it.
50. i went to tn girls state. and governor's school.
51. i love computer games, especially ones like riven and myst.
52. i cannot play sports. at all.
53. unless bocce is a sport. i rule at bocce.
54. admitting: i do look like my mother.
55. i used to watch the x-files at 2 a.m., before it was cool.
56. i am a night person.
57. my first cup of coffee is a highlight of my day.
58. i can type at least 60 wpm.
59. i was in a can-can troupe in high school.
60. i have a piece of pencil lead stuck in my left middle finger from an altercation in the 4th grade with my desk neighbor.
61. i don't really like football but loving watching the refs call penalties.
62. i love driving fast and listening to loud music.
63. summer nights are my favorite.
64. i really don't like japanese food much, especially sushi.
65. i have recently become an actual paid freelance writer.
66. my knees have been creaky since i was 12.
67. i still have wire retainers permanently affixed to my top and bottom teeth.
68. if i didn't, i would bear a striking resemblance to david letterman.
69. red is my favorite color.
70. baking bread is my favorite smell.
71. i have an unnatural fear of being murdered in a public restroom.
72. i have a phobia of wobby foods, ranging from mayo to marshmellows, encompassing all products made by the jello company. (sorry bill cosby).
73. i intensely hate conflict.
74. when i am very angry, i smile.
75. i like starbucks lattes the best. and it makes me feel guilty.
76. if i had to move tomorrow, i would choose chicago, providence, or paris.
77. i love coincidence, and i love that the french word for it is hasard.
78. i hate to be thought of as needy or clingy.
79. my mother calls me every day at 7:30 a.m.
80. i hope to raise an entire brood of foreign-adopted extreme sports enthusiasts.
81. november is my favorite month and not just because of my birthday. entirely.
82. i think that valentine's day, the 4th of july, and new year's eve are overblown holidays that tend to end badly.
83. i am un-fond of the nickname "nat."
84. my uncle has always called me "fred," which i kind of enjoy.
85. i don't like to walk around in socks no shoes.
86. i like don henley, joe walsh, and glen frey each separately but hate the eagles.
87. my lowest grades in my entire academic career were consistently in gym and in conduct.
88. i hate doing dishes and love vaccuuming and laundry.
89. i've always done my own taxes.
90. i don't really like cake.
91. i am a weird mix of very girly and very not.
92. i am incredibly particular about who touches me.
93. i am wicked proud of my baby sister.
94. soups are my favorite thing to cook.
95. i am bad about having scatterfire crushes.
96. it's only been in the past 4-5 years that i've gotten into having close female friends.
97. i find lowe's and home depot soothing.
98. inconsiderate driving is my top pet peeve.
99. i love to change my hair.
100. i like cheese.
hot melon salad
no wonder the kids don't want to eat in the dining hall.
a new year, time to clean out the desk/office. here's what i've found so far:
2 beach balls
several rubber birds
2 plastic lizards
1 water pistol
1 etch-a-sketch
holiday themed cookie cutters
a ceramic skateboard
jack daniels coffee mug
half of my jordanian couple brought by elsie (i think it's the woman, but they look just alike)... this just in: the second one surfaced!
body wash
pay stubs from about all the months i've worked here
my life's calling (saved from the trash can)
1 speedy gonzalez pez dispenser (jwp, i'm saving it for you)
my copy of ghost world
my boss' copy of me talk pretty
a poster (dashboard confessional) autographed by chris carraba
my first license plate
a hat from my former (now defunct) pilates studio
2 airtran rewards cards, both mine, under different names
box of 20 hello kitty holiday cards, unopened
3 books of matches
tons of dust
a spiderman button from korea, imported by elsie
a naked (blank) thank you note, no matching envelope
a mini sewing kit
lots of double stick tape
several cases of year-old beer
metric tons of prom-type catalogs
a forrest gump "stupid is as stupid does" mini pillow
vivid yellow dinner napkins
20+ santa hats
hundreds of feet of garland
3 rolls/each of black and silver wrapping paper
several copies of the "athletic strategic plan" that i swore i didn't have
oh, and some letterhead, books, pencils, pens, a stapler, hole punch, bills, desk calendar, paper clips, a chair and a desk.
overheard while standing in line to buy shirts:
(one side of a phone conversation)-hello
...
-oh, hi. are you working on saturday? do you work on the weekend much? sorry i haven't gotten back to you; i've been at orientation for a new job at a new company.
...
-well, i guess what you need to know is that my son is 16 and that we have aetna insurance.
...
-yeah, he's 16 and just got back from montana not TOO long ago. i sent him out there for a rehab/substance abuse program. i found out what he was into, jerked him up and sent him across the country to a program.
...
-oh, no, he's not back into that again. at least i don't think so. no, i'm calling you because of something else.
...
-right now he's in a relationship with this girl. it's pretty long-term, about a year. it seems healthy enough, i guess. except, except, well, last week they got into a fight. i wasn't there, of course, but what he tells me is that it got pretty heated, and he threw something at her, like a can or something. well, not at her on purpose, but just threw it. and it accidentally hit her in the face; that's why she has the black eye. i took pictures of his face too; he was pretty banged up.
...
-i mean, i believe him if he says he didn't hit her. and they seem to get along really well. i just thing he needs to talk to someone before it gets too bad. that's where you come in.
...
-no, no one referred me to you; i just found your website and read your stuff. you seem perfect. he needs someone young and male, i think. and after reading your biography, it seems that you've dealt with this sort of thing before.
...
-no, he's totally willing to come talk to you; like i said, he's been through rehab and counseling before. but i'm sure he's not back into substance abuse.
...
-what kinds? well, pretty much all of them. but, really, i'm in the middle of the mall and hate to say too much in public.
****
WHAT? you hate to say too much? haven't you already? eeeek.
last year's resolutions stuck much better because the public was party to them. here are the new ones. yay 2005!
1. 2004 was all about cutting out the superfluous. no more sugar, no bad friends, no more self-inflicted stress. this year will be the year of adding positive relationships, strengthening friendships, thanking those who support me, and making time to spend with important people. one of my chief sub-resolutions is to re-establish erin and natalie dinner night which stalled out sometime this summer. i will continue date nights with meg and lunches with tina.
2. i'm eliminating a name from the boy list. this falls in closely with no more recycling of 2004. if your name is THE name, i'm not allowed to talk to you anymore. you should know who you are. 3 strikes and i'm out.
3. more kindness and smiles. less cattiness.
4. i will be more prepared for class. that means i will actually read assignments in advance. i'm an awful teacher, but i love it. in the spirit of quality teaching, i will also not flirt with my TA during class. i hope.
5. now that i spent a year sorting out what seems to be important to me and making tons of great contacts to expand my professional life, i think it's time for the big plunge. anyone got $75.000k+? hoping to quit my job and start my real life by july.
6. if that actually happens, i will definitely need a more frugal financial situation. let the savings begin.
7. perhaps in conflict with #6, i'd like to play with more quality ingredients in my cooking life. i think i will be pretty obsessed with olive oils and vinegars.
8. more water, more exercise, more healthy. the annual failed resolution. but i will continue no sugar because i just feel so much better.
9. i wish i could resolve a stable relationship into being, but i can't. i will resolve to diminish bad decisions. or at least try. if he's not that into me, i will let it go. promise.
10. if i indeed get a new piece of furniture this weekend, i will strive for more neat ess in my life, especially in my room. hopeless right now.
11. i will not believe that life is like in tv and the movies. things will not work out a la when harry met sally or gilmore girls-ish. doing foolish nonsense will not pay, even if i look cute and am wearing a sassy t-shirt while doing it.
12. i will fulfill my columbia house obligation, pay off my computer, and straighten out my renter's insurance mess.
13. i will know what my left foot is doing and practice inward and outward attention.
14. i will not make promises i cannot keep.
happy new year. hope it treats you well.